I know that I am not alone when it comes to my current fascination with self-portraits…especially after spending no more than ten minutes browsing Flickr or watching the ever-growing list of participants at Self-Portrait Tuesday (both sites I love!). This does not mean, however, that I am comfortable with the idea and process of taking photos of myself. I struggle with doing it; I struggle with “why?” I do it. I question why I am drawn to capture bits and pieces of myself on film, especially when I am so uncomfortable in front of the camera. It took me months to finally find the courage to participate with Self-Portrait Tuesday…then awhile longer before posting another photo.
I can honestly say that part of my struggle comes from how I was raised. I was taught – and told – that focusing on myself was narcissistic and incredibly self-centered; certainly not something one would do if they were humble or even “normal”. Over the years, this type of thinking mutated into a general uncomfortableness of being in front of the camera but worse yet, a fear of looking closely at myself at all…let alone the thought of letting someone else get a look at the “real” me. If the message we hear is “don’t focus on yourself…it’s wrong”, then we translate this into, “there must be something wrong with me if I want to focus on myself…” which over time, translates into “there must be something wrong with me.” Funny how our minds tend to simplify things.
Thankfully, those disapproving messages are being pushed aside. The author of a recent New York Times article calls this emerging self-portrait phenomenon “folk art for the digital age”, while a professor/photographer is quoted deeming self-portraiture “a form of communication”. While the meat of this article focuses on the reasons reporter Alex Williams believes young people, specifically teens, are so comfortable taking photos of themselves, he hits the self-aggrandizing nail on the head with a 21-year-old “My-Spacer’s” simplistic statement: “Everyone’s a little narcissistic.” However, there’s definitely more to it than that Williams reports. Psychologists attribute this trend to affordable and accessible technology (cel phones with cameras, image editing software, etc.), but even more so to “normal psychological development” for someone who is searching and forming their identity. Got to feel good about the words “normal”, “psychological”, “development” and “identity” all in the same sentence, right?
Well, with that information and logic, I’m not any closer to answering my title question. So what do I do? I come up with another option…a theory which goes a little deeper because it ties both elements together while adding a third…a sense of humanity. Here it is: Maybe by capturing snippets of ourselves in our random, everyday lives, we’ve found a healthy way of documenting our humanity, declaring ourselves a place in this world, and fighting back against the inimitable fear of feeling invisible, unimportant and lost in our data-processed society.
If this theory works for me, makes me feel “normal” in the psychological development of my identity, then I guess I’m more comfortable with my new fascination than I thought I was. But now I wonder, is it wrong to worship the virtues of Photoshop?
Any thoughts or other theories? I’d love to hear them and see your self-portraits…
What a wonderful self portrait!
Unique and lovely art work!
Wonderful work, I love it!
very poetic and original!
Love Love Love…
What a beautiful photograph!
Really artistic!
I remember my mother thinking I was vain as I looked into the mirror so much as a teenager – what she didn’t hear were the inner thoughts… I wasn’t seeing any good there… so she added some more negatives ;-)
I’ve already told myself I’ll do the March SPTs… and this time they will be new ones… but it does feel uncomfortable… will I do it? We’ll see.
I’ve seen some of your self-portraits and been glad to see you and all the energy that you put into them.
One of the best things, once over the camera shyness, must be that you have a model who is always there when you want to do something. And you do get to choose which you show too….
I really like this photo and the effects you added. It seems to tell your story beautifully.
I had not heard of the self portrait site, I’ll have to check it out. I have the same issues with it that you mention, and really struggle with it, as I need good phtos for my publicity pack (professional storyteller). I think your theory is excellent, though. I continually rant to myself, family and friends about the alienation of society here, and sometimes seeming disregard for all life, evidenced by the paving of all things wild. So I like what you have to say about this.
I like your self-portrait. I haven’t taken a single one I like. Ever.
It takes a lot of courage to pose infront of a camera, to let it capture the genuine essence of who we are.
Today I’ve realized that uploading avatars can be couragious act as well… :’(
http://xendolev.typepad.com/xellular/2006/03/nameexpression.html#comments
I also read that article and found it really interesting. I did think immediately of SPT, in fact. I think many people often have a conflict between wanting to discover oneself and hide oneself, and this doesn’t even get into the whole idea of making self portrature public! I think when it’s in a public forum, the intent of the person determines what it’s all about. Some people are genuinely interested in self-exploration and sharing with others who might have more objective observations. Other people are by nature egotists.
I have enjoyed looking at your self portraits. They are so expressive and beautiful as works of art, and thus show even more of you than a simple, straightforward photograph. I have always drawn myself, and I know that it has been a way to get closer to myself, accept myself, and love myself for all the things that are revealed in the process of creating the image. I find it a fulfilling exercise. Ultimately, though, it is an image and an impression – ephemeral and open to so many inerpretations, especially when viewed out of the context of its creation.
Anyway, these are just random thoughts. I also want to comment on your great writing; it’s a pleasure to read your posts!
I’m not doing the challenge, but I am in the process of doing a mini “all about me” album for my dd to read someday. I HATE being in front of the camera, (low self esteem), so it’s therapy for me.
GREAT photo and blog !!!
This photo is incredible – absolutely intriguing. Who cares what “they” say – you’ve captured a glorious part of yourself. But, yes, I hear your point. I really have no pics of myself beyond childhood for those reasons. You’re doing some great work here….keep it going!!!!
In theory, I like the idea of the self-portrait. After all, it’s a time-honored tradition…artists have painted self portraits for aeons. I think it forces you to look at yourself honestly. In practice, though, I am not ready to do it. Yet.
Just that you’re amazing. :)
I think your self portrait is AMAZING GIRL! I love it, you are beautiful and it’s awesome to celebrate that!! loving your inspiration!
Your portrait is incredible. Soft and gentle yet has the bold high contrast of your dark hair and beautiful blue color. It is lovely.
Your post is just as wonderful and powerful! You really hit it right on the button for me. I did my self portrait, the whole time wondering what my family (parents & siblings) would think of it. I too was taught that it was wrong to look at myself in the mirror being told that I was vain and concieted when caught looking at myself as a teenager. I struggle with this now.
I applaud your efforts in self exploration. Your self portraits communicate so much beauty, heart and self worth. I thank you for sharing your thoughts!
i think your self portrait and your reflection on self portraits are both beautiful. its such an interesting thing. how we were taught to not do something that came natural to us when we were younger – examining and discovering ourselves. i’m unlearning many things right now, which has allowed me to rediscover art and perhaps i should give the self portrait thing a try! thanks for the inspiration.
What a lovely selfportrait, love the treatment you did!
I too took a long time to post on SPT, I hate having my picture taken, i find it a lot easier to take my own portrait. I don’t think I put a pic where one can see my face in full, I’m always finding ways to show onl half or quaters of myself. I see things a bit like you, even now friends who visit my blog ask me why sooo many pics of me, do I like myself that much? No, I don’t like myself, it’s a bit of therapy, another reason is that there is nobody around when I want to take pics, so i just “use” myself.
This is a really intriguing post. What I’m curious about is if there’s a difference between men and women in this regard. My personal opinion is that women in particular are raised to not be “self-centered” and to avoid being in the spotlight. I recently wrote a post on my blog about the number of women I know who put taking care of themselves and their needs at the very bottom of the list and I think it’s a phenonmenon that is related to what you discussed here.
I have two daughters, both of whom I’ve raised to be more comfortable being the center of attention. At the same time, I often feel uncomfortable with their comfort in this, as though they ARE being narcissitic and should stop. I often wonder if I would be different with a son–would I be more comfortable with a boy who is this way than I am with my girls?
Overall, it seems to me that we do raise women to not be “vain,” to not focus on themselves, etc. I also think that we tend to focus on women’s physical attributes in ways that make self-portraiture even more threatening–we place impossible demands on how women should look and value women primarily for how well they meet these demands, so is it a surprise that as women we’re uncomfortable with seeing ourselves in a photo?
My .02 anyway. . .
Thank you to everyone for your very kind and thoughtful comments and responses. Delving into who we are from the inside out is truly one of life’s great challenges…enjoy the journey!
breathtaking.
This is a facinating and insightful post.
It’s funny, but I’ve always felt a little selfish about some of my portrait work too. Great analysis!